Daycare Dilemma

My pitty pot begins here - with my daycare dilemma.

It all begins with my current sitter.

She has decided to watch only up to 3 year olds, leaving me & several other families in a bind.

Which is fine, I mean it's her business & she needs to do what is right for her.

So I start checking around with other in-home daycares.

Either they aren't accepting new kids, don't claim the income, won't do part-time, or are just not reputable.

So on a whim I called a local daycare.

They will take the kids on the days I need, do claim (duh-no brainer here) the income & only charge a few $$ more than my current sitter per day.

They seem very nice, their facility is very nice & it's near where I work.

So...

Why am I so undecided about this?

Why can I not commit to it?

Why do I keep looking for other options?

I...want....to...cry...

I want to scream.

I want to runaway.

I don't want to depend on others (family or not) to raise my kids for me.

I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME & RAISE MY OWN BABIES!

Now here is my next dilemma.

The boy's preschool said they could come to school another day, thus solving my daycare dilemma.

The only problem is on non-school days & breaks (winter/summer) I don't have anywhere for them to go & I don't have that much vacation/sick time to take every single day off with them.  Sure my mom would watch them on some days but I don't want to depend on her.  And since my in-laws have them 2 days through the week, I know they don't want them on every break/non-school day.  I'm not even sure they want them on the days they have them now, which raises a whole other issue.

Steve thinks they should just go to the daycare.

I'm tired of the running here, running there, running EVERYWHERE!

Feeling like I'm a burden on anyone that has them, especially my in-laws.

If you don't want my kids, then tell me.  I never wanted it this way.  I want you to want them, not feel like you HAVE to have them.

Please anyone - with any suggestions, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

OK, now I'm gonna go crawl in my hole & cry.

Hope your Wednesday is better than mine.